There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
