The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
