If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
