elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
These tits shall not be calmed
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
