I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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