don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
We named our party play list daddy issues
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
