1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I wanna bring you to show and tell
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
