left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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