forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
