Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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