I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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