I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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