And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
