That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
