Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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