The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
