im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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