Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
