Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
