i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
