halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
