Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize