Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
