for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
