i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
