Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
