i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
