At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
