Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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