He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
