It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
