the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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