dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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