I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
