No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
