i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize