oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
