I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
