Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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