I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
