I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
