Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
