just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
