ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
