Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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