The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
