I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
