I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
