I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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