Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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