Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
