think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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