you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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