if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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