Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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