awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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