I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
