Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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