And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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