i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
