New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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