I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize