All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
