I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm too high and old for this...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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