No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
