I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
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