I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
