i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
