I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
