I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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