I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
