Define "chronic" masturbator.
he thought i was a dude.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
