So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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