spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
