If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize