...so i touched it.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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