the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
