mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
