If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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