The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize