How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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