onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
