Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
