Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
