oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
