I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize