I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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