I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I love you. Go after that dick
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
