Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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