You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
