yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
