just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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