When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
