my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I could fuck to npr.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
