Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
