It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
