We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
