I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Bring me that man meat
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
